I didn't know it would hurt that bad...

Today, Caleb was working and I went to church with Jeremy. I wasn't expecting to have a hard day today, but of course, when you least expect it...they come. So as I was sitting in church (Sunday school had just finished) I look down the row at the couple that usually sit with Caleb and I and a new girl was there too. Shortly thereafter I hear the cry of a newborn baby. I look down again and she had a maybe 3-4 week old baby girl with her. At first it was really cute, she was cuddling with her and rocking her to sleep. Then of course, my mind started going. I went back almost 9 months ago to when my baby girl was born. I thought about what it would be like to have gotten to rock her and cuddle with her. I thought about what it would have been like to bring her to church in her cute little dresses, to feed her, to nurture her. It just hurt so much to see that little girl, knowing that I would have had one that was very similar to her. I have gotten to the point where pictures of little baby girls don't affect me much anymore, but this was the first time that I saw one up close for any period of time. It was just a little painful. It seems that lately, I have been thinking a lot about Abigail Renee. Some days I miss her so much, even though I only had one day with her, and that day was silent. I am thankful for this new life inside of me now, but he will never replace my Abby.