I am working on organizing the baby room today. You know, a year ago I would have never thought I would be doing this all over again. Last year in July was my baby shower, now I had another one less than a year later only changing from pink to blue. It makes me sad and thankful at the same time. I am sad that I didn't get the chance with Abigail to use any of the pretty things she got from the shower. I am sad that Caleb and I didn't really even get the opportunity to spend any time with her. Sure we had the day and a half at the hospital, but that is just not the same as bringing your baby home and enjoying them. One thing that I am really looking forward to, that most people will say is nuts, but I am looking forward to hearing Donovan cry. That is one sound that I didn't get to hear from Abigail. I cannot wait to hear his cry though, I am sure it will only be the first couple of hours that I really treasure it, but I also know that there will be those moments when I miss Abby terribly, and then I hear Donovan cry and I know I will be thankful to hear it! I am thankful that God has given us another opportunity to have a baby so soon. A lot of people think it was to soon, and in some aspects I can agree. There have been times through this pregnancy that I have mourned Abby, and I am sure that will continue even after Abby is born, but Caleb and I decided that we can't stop living our lives. We know that Abby is in a very safe place and she is loved. All of this to say, that no matter what happens, I hope to remain thankful. Thankful for Abby and everything she gave to Caleb and I. We grew together more with her than we would have without. We grew up tremendously in the couple months after her death. We made a lot of changes in our lives and in the relationships of those we love, but we probably wouldn't have made those changes were it not for her. I want to remain thankful for God who is giving us another baby so soon. I especially want to remain thankful for my husband who loves me and both of our children tremendously and only wants the best for us.

If you all think about it, pray for us over the next week or so. We are going in Monday the 29th for some big testing and if everything comes back ok, they will induce that day. I am getting a little nervous and a lot excited at the same time. But also, I have been having off and on noticeable contractions for the past week, I am not sure what is going on with those, but just pray for us at this time. Thanks!!!

Baby shower day!

Today is my baby shower for Donovan. It should be really exciting! A lot of my family is going to be there and quite a few friends, so it will be really neat.

Caleb and I made a decision on what to do about delivery. We are going to go in on June 29th and have an amniocentesis. The results take about 4 hours to get back and if they come back that his lungs are mature, they are going to induce same day. If the results say that his lungs are not quite mature enough yet, we are going to wait until July 13th to induce. With that being said, I am getting quite excited with the thoughts that I could be holding my baby boy in as little as 9 days.

Not too much else has been going on. There is a super fun new card game Caleb and I learned to play a couple weeks ago and we really enjoy it. It is called Hand and Foot. I recommend it to everyone! Well, I am off to get my dog in and head to the baby shower. Hope everyone has a good weekend!







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Contractions and Robberies

Well, yesterday my mother called me and was very upset. My mind immediately jumped to conclusions thinking that something had happened to someone in the family. Instead I was just as horrified at her telling me that she had just gotten home and their house had been broken into. I am not sure yet how this makes me feel. After years of living there and not a single thing happening and then all of a sudden yesterday someone goes through the entire house looking for something, but as far as they can tell takes nothing. What is going on with that? Needless to say my mom feels very violated at this time and is still quite upset. Well, once she called Caleb and I left our house immediately to go over to hers and as we were driving down the road I began feeling them. Yes, they were contractions...not just the mild ones either. I pushed them to the side of my thoughts though...I didn't have time for that right now. Once we got to the house and found out what we could. We just waited. By this time I could feel them coming more frequently. I pulled my sister-in-law aside and asked her what she thought was going on. She said they could be real contractions or they could be braxton-hicks. She said to call the doc and see what they say. So I did, and they said to just go on into the hospital and get checked out just to make sure. When we got hooked up to the monitor at the hospital they were coming about every 4 minutes. The nurse said we weren't dilating though. So, after 4 hours of contractions and 2 IV bags, they ask if they think I can sleep through them. I figure if the baby isn't coming right now, I would much rather be at home anyway, so sleep or not I was going home. Now today I am still having them, they are a bit more hit and miss. We go to the doc again in the morning, so hopefully we can figure something out then.

Other than that, all is going well. Caleb is working right now. Jeremy is sleeping, he is still looking for a house to buy. I have resigned myself to the fact that he is going to be here when the baby is born. I guess that is not a bad thing, it is just going to be a bit more stressful. But hopefully the boys will be willing to pick up after themselves a little bit more!

You know, I never realized quite how "scared" I would be at the end of this pregnancy. I thought I would be able to breeze through it without a problem, but I am so scared at this point in time that it is beginning to consume my thoughts. I am attempting to keep busy, but really there is only so much that I can do before I run out of things to do! I already broke the mower on accident, so I have to wait for Caleb to fix that. I have cleaned the house, and am working on laundry. Tomorrow there is a baby shower from some ladies at church, so that will give me something to do and then organizing the clothes and stuff afterwards.

My main fear is that I am going to feel that same movement that I felt with Abby right before she died. I really don't like to think about it because that was a horrible feeling now that I realize what it was. It is not even the fact that I am tired of being pregnant. While that is true, I could make it until the end if it was just that, but more it is that I am scared that something will happen to this little guy inside of me. There are times where I am in tears because I just want him to be safe. It is times like that when all I can do is pray...pray for Donovan, and pray for strength for me.

So in light of all this, I ask you all to pray too-the end is coming near, sometimes I wish it was next week, but I want him to be healthy too-I don't want him to come too early. We do have a couple of decisions to make with the docs and I ask you to pray for wisdom and peace for us. Caleb too-I know this is hard on him as well. He asks me every day how Donovan's movements are and things like that, so don't forget him! Thank you all so much!